THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF- LOVE

Valentine’s day is widely known as a collective day to express extra love and affection to our loved ones. However, there are some who believe that you don’t need a specific day to do this. In fact, no matter how many flowers, candy or gifts you may give to your loved ones, it doesn’t mean your relationship is healthy and neither does it mean that it will flourish.

Despite the star-crossed lovers who cling for opportunities to express their affection on Valentine’s Day, there are those who have absolutely no interest in being struck or grazed by Cupid’s arrow (opting for solitude instead).  According to an article posted on www.census.gov in September of 2022, nearly 50% of U.S. adults are single. Additionally, 35%-50% first time marriages in the United States will end in divorce. Of the many reasons people have given for divorcing is “Losing themselves in a marriage”.

Eckhart Tolle said it best: “When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.”  Many mental health coaches and relationship experts will agree that one of the best ways to not lose touch with oneself is by practicing self-love.

It’s also a known fact that hurt people hurt other people which therefore supports the need and importance of learning to love ourselves first so that we can become the best version of ourselves in order to more effectively love others.

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE LACKING SELF LOVE

“The right mental attitude will guide you towards feeling a sense of love that you deserve to experience.” – Anonymous

Lucille Balle is one of the most successful actress, comedian and producers of all time. She was active in the entertainment industry from 1929 until 1989.  In addition to entertaining audiences for decades, she also left her fans with many words of wisdom including these…..“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world”.

Self love is about taking actions to support your physical, psychological and spiritual growth. However, you must first acknowledge that you are lacking self-love.

CONSTANT NEED FOR EXCESSIVE AFFIRMATIONS AND ATTENTION

Validation is a common need that we all may seek or experience at some point in our lives. Sometimes we seek validations because we didn’t receive enough of it during our childhood. Other times we seek validations to help encourage us to keep moving forward towards a goal.  But the need for excessive validation and attention becomes dangerous when we struggle with making decisions on our own, fabricating or exaggerating life circumstances to gain attention from others or by becoming so emotionally distraught That we are no longer the center of attention. And part of the self-love approach to healing is to surround yourself with strong supportive individuals, being okay with saying, “NO” and practice mindful meditation.

LACK OF ASSERTIVENESS

Being assertive helps you to obtain more of what you want out of life and in your relationships. It also helps to reduce your stress levels and ensures that your needs are being met.  If you don’t practice the art of communicating assertively, then you will eventually become passive which then could lead to aggressive defensive behavior.

CAMOUFLAGING OR SUPPRESSING YOUR EMOTIONS

It is a common belief that with vulnerability comes  the possibility of rejection or failure, therefore many of us may feel  as if we are placing ourselves in a compromising position by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable around others. Although there are times when suppressing one’s emotions may be necessary, excessive suppression can interfere with conflict resolution.

FEELING INFERIOR TO OTHERS

In psychology, an inferiority complex is defined as an intense personal feeling of inadequacy, often resulting in the belief that one is in some way deficient, or inferior, to others. However, a key part to combating this feeling is by surrounding yourself with positive people, creating positive affirmations, and exercising self-compassion.

SETTLING FOR LESS

One of the main reasons why people settle for less in life is due to having low self-esteem. Another reason we settle for less is because it has become comfortable to remain in our current situation.  However, one of the best things that you can do for yourself is to accept that being single is normal and okay.

WAYS TO PRACTICE SELF LOVE

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” —Buddha

Self love is about taking actions to support your physical, psychological and spiritual growth which can be done in many different ways:

(1) Practicing Daily Gratitude

(2) Let Go of Toxic Relationships

(3) Embrace Your Uniqueness

(4) Forgive Yourself

(5) Continuously invest in self-care

(6) Being Okay With Say “No”

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” ―Oscar Wilde

RESOURCES:
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm
https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/divorce-rate-by-state
https://legaljobs.io/blog/divorce-rate-in-america/
https://corporate.hallmark.com/holidays-occasions/valentines-day
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202105/your-self-esteem-might-be-ruining-your-relationship
https://lewishowes.com/podcast/dr-phils-3-secrets-for-a-happy-successful-relationship/