MOVING FORWARD

“Every great move forward in your life begins with a leap of faith, a step into the”...Brian Tracy

One afternoon, I had a brief conversation with a stranger in a parking lot.  We both had just finished shopping at the same store and started sharing stories about the positive experience we had while shopping.  However, our conversation quickly morphed into a deeper conversation about life, with this stranger choosing to share with me how she felt stuck and was having problems with moving past a lot of painful experiences in her life (which included the recent death of her mom as well as recently being robbed). I responded by telling her that moving forward is a choice because life will always be filled with disappointments and challenges.

Oftentimes as we begin closing out one year, many people look forward to the start of the new year because they believe that things will begin to get better for them. However, although the start of a new year will give us a sense of a fresh start, moving forward is a personal journey that takes commitment and time.

 MOVING FORWARD AFTER DEATH

According to www.ourworldindata.org, there were 67.1 million deaths worldwide in 2022 and 65.81 births, which means that everyday just as many people are dying as they are being born. We are all a part of the circle of life and our human bodies are simply not made to last forever in its current state. However, this fact still doesn’t put many of us at ease about the inevitability of death because of our fear of the unknown once we cross over. However,what we think about death can affect how we live our lives and also how we process grief.

An important aspect of grieving is first recognizing that there are various stages to the grieving process and also recognizing that the timeline for grieving varies. The stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and eventually acceptance (https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/). Additionally, not everyone goes through the stages of grief in a linear fashion. It is also not uncommon for someone to repeat the stages of grief.

Given that death is inevitable, there are many things that we can do in advance to help prepare for the death of our loved ones. (1) Expressing our love for them while they are alive (2) clearing the air of suppressed feelings and emotions, (3) start having healthy conversations about death, and (3) begin the difficult and emotional process of beginning to imagine what life is going to be like when your loved one is no longer around.  

MOVING FORWARD AFTER BETRAYAL 

“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies”…author unknown

Betrayal is defined as the violation of a person’s trust or confidence, an act of deliberate disloyalty, or the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract.

Betrayal can happen at any stage of our lives and also in so many different areas of our lives. Types of betrayal in romantic relationships include: sexual infidelity, a nonsexual affair, lying, disrespect, and breaking promises. Betrayal can also happen in other types of relationships as well such as: family betrayal, friendships betrayal and professional betrayals.

When I was in high school, I experienced one of the biggest heartbreaks and betrayals of my life. It was the day that I found out that my high school boyfriend was having a secret relationship with one of my classmates (who was also a friend). I later learned that one of the main reasons that my “then-boyfriend” gravitated towards her is that she was giving him something physically that I was not willing to give. When I eventually found out about the covert lifestyle that he was living I was beyond devastated. All of our dreams about getting married and having a family were washed down the drain. His actions also caused me to distrust boys and I spent the rest of my high school years not dating anyone.  

Dealing with betrayal as an adolescent is much different from dealing with betrayal as an adult because adolescents don’t have the same capacity as adults to control their reactions and emotions. However, healing from betrayal is still possible. And one of the best ways of healing is going through the stages of grief which can be applicable to various major life transitions (such as being betrayed). What helped me to begin coping with my betrayal as a teenager was expressing my feelings to someone that I trusted (my best friend at the time) and also journalling until I finally mustered up the courage to move on and let go.

MOVING FORWARD PAST FAILURES AND MISTAKES 

Oprah Winfrey once said, “There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction”.
 
Many people are being held hostage to their past. Painful emotions such as regret, shame and guilt hinders them from moving forward. Although it may be true that some of our choices may have negative consequences in our lives, moving forward is still possible once we accept that mistakes are a natural part of life.

Part of being human is understanding that we are finite beings that are imperfect and that we are molded by our life experiences and personal choices. Therefore, we can personally choose to let go of our past mistakes. Some positive ways of doing this include: (1) Forgiving yourself (2) Forgiving others and (3) Seeking support. Remember, “your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you”…author unknown.

RESOURCES:

https://www.history.com/news/8-facts-real-colonel-sanders-kfc
https://ourworldindata.org/births-and-deaths
https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/