CONNECTING WITH OTHERS

Image By auspices CCBY2.0

During the winter months some people begin to experience a type of depression known as Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD due to the changes in the season. According to Mayoclinic.org, in most cases SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year with symptoms starting in the fall and continuing into the winter months, sapping away energy and making people feel moody.Treatment for SAD include light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, oral medications, exercising, adding more vitamin D to ones diet, and connecting with others.

Signs and symptoms of SAD are similar to depression and as such may include the following:

•A change in sleep pattern (Desiring to sleep all of the time or having problems sleeping)
•Normal tasks become draining
•A feeling of hopelessness
•Avoiding people or activities
•Extreme changes in appetite
•Turning to alcohol or drugs for comfort

CONNECTING IN OUR YOUTH

Image By ds628 Connection by MNSC CCO 1.0

It has also been said that the most important things in life are the connections you make with others, “Tom Ford”. This connection begins while we are in the womb and extends throughout the various seasons of our lives. For example, according to www.healthline.com fetuses are able to hear sound at 18 weeks of pregnancy and between 25-26 weeks, fetuses can respond to voices and other sounds while they are in the wound.

The connection with a fetus extends beyond the wound as they are being cradled and spoken softly after they are born, which makes them feel safe. And as we continue to grow and blossom in life, the need to connect with others changes but still continues.  For example, toddlers connect with their caretakers for guidance and protection. And as we blossom into teenager and adulthood, we still need to connect with our caretakers for guidance, protection, support, and directions. Oftentimes the connection we make with our parents or caretakers during the formative years can greatly impact how we connect with others in adulthood as we begin to carve out various relationships

CONNECTING IN RELATIONSHIPS

Hands touching through window – Image by shixart1985 CCB 2.0

Connecting with others is an integral part of our existence. But, is it possible to be around other people and still not feel very connected? Absolutely. Sometimes this may stem from a history of being judged or misunderstood. Or perhaps you feel insecure about how to positively connect with others. Despite what your reasons may be, this doesn’t mean that connecting with others isn’t relevant or necessary. Rather, it simply means that we have not made the right types of connections which simply takes time and effort on everyone’s part. Here are a few ways to better connect with others no matter what type of relationship that you may have with them:

•Explore and learn something new together
•Celebrate special occasions together either in person or online
•Participate in physical activities together (i.e. cycling, dancing, gaming, etc.)
•Share recipes and/or cook together
•Pray or meditate together
•Kiss, hug, or snuggle with your loved ones
•Surprise your loved ones with something unexpected
•Make eye to eye connection

CONNECTING WITH OUR INNER CHILD

Inner Child Image By Pointshogger www.pointshogger.com CCBY ND2.0

We will always be someone’s child. As we age, we simply just become bigger versions our ourselves and we also have more responsibilities. With this in mind, one of the most important connections that we neglect is connecting with our inner child which is important to do in order to more effectively nourish our hearts, minds and spirit. It is also important in order for us to evolve because the things that happen to us as a child are a forever part of our psyche.  

With  so many demands in life, it is so very easy to get distracted, discouraged or distance yourself from others.  However, taking the time to nourish our inner child can ensure that our personal needs are being addressed and met so that we can better ourselves as well as others. Here are some ways to connect with your inner child:

• Talk to a therapist
• Journal your thoughts
• Spend time doing things that you use to enjoy
• Re-read a childhood story
• Rekindle a childhood passion
• Reconnect with childhood friends

RESCOURCES:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20364651
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/seasonal-affective-disorder
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9293-seasonal-depression
https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/when-can-a-fetus-hear

BEING GRATEFUL AND THANKFUL

Image By johnhain Pixabay License

On November 11, 2022, “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” was released in theaters and generated approximately $205 million domestically and $176 million internationally in one weekend. “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” was the sequel to the movie “Black Panther ” that was released in 2018. By the second week of its release, “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever ”, was on track to top the billion dollar box office hit tier despite having unexpectedly losing one of its lead characters (Chadwick Boseman) to cancer in 2020 while directors were working on the sequel.

Boseman, who was 43 years of age when he died, was known for breathing life into legendary characters and people, the likes of which include:Thurgood Marshall, Jackie Robinson, James Brown and T’Challa (commonly known by his appointed title of “Black Panther”).

In an interview with television personality Whoopi Goldberg, Boseman’s widow,Simone Ledward Boseman, described how grateful she was to have been by her husband’s side.  She also shared with Goldberg that she couldn’t “believe that I got to love this person and I also got him to love me too”.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude. One of the ways that Boseman’s widow has lived up to these words is by keeping her husband’s legacy alive through a scholarship program at his beloved alma mater (Howard University) in Washington, D.C.

Just like Simone Boseman has done ,as well as so many others throughout the years, it’s important to learn how to see our glass half full instead of half empty no matter what is happening during the various seasons of our lives.

Image By Gerd Altmann, Pixabay

SEEING YOUR GLASS HALF FULL

It is so easy to get caught up in the dialogue of the mainstream media or social trends about what people think we should or ought to have.

According to www.theworldcounts.com, It’s estimated that around 385,000 babies are born worldwide every day. That’s about 267 babies a minute. Additionally, it is estimated that approximately 185,000 people die each day, which equates to millions of people who die each year. The goal of sharing these statistics is not to minimize the pain that a person feels when they lose a loved one. Rather, it is being done to reinforce the reality that death is inevitable no matter how untimely we may feel death is when when it comes to losing our loved one (s). However, a healthy part of the grief process is basking in the memories of our loved ones, and also doing what we can to advance their legacy.

Image By Clker-Free-Fector-Images from Pixabay

BEING GRATEFUL FOR OUR HEALTH 

Shortly after Boseman’s death on August 28, 2020, actor Clarke Peters, who was a former co-star of Boseman on the set of Spike Lee’s war movie, “Da 5 Bloods”,expressed his regret about pre-maturely judging Boseman. In an interview that Peters did with Good Morning Britain, Peters admitted that he told his wife that he thought Chadwick was a “Bit Precious” when his wife inquired as to how it was like working with Boseman. Peters also shared with Good Morning Britain, that the reason why he felt this way about Boseman is due to the fact that he would often see Boseman surrounded by Chinese practitioners massaging his back, a makeup lady massaging his feet and His girlfriend  holding his hand whenever Boseman walked off the set of Black Panther. However, Peters nor most of the world did not know that Boseman was battling colon cancer twhile he was filming the movie that would eventually take his life at the age of 43.

The average death age in America is around 77 years. However, there are many health conditions that can affect our body during these years either that we are either are born with or that manifest themselves in our bodies over the years.

Some years ago, I injured my calf muscle which rendered me unable to walk on my calf muscle for a couple of weeks. What made it more difficult is that my home has stairs so it was a struggle to make it up and down the stairs when I was alone.  During the physical challenges that I was experiencing, I was reminded of one of my heroes, Nick Vujicic , who was born without arms and legs. He also had major concerns about whether or not he would get married as well as many other concerns about how living without limbs would affect his life. He also wondered that if he did indeed find a spouse, how could he ever “hug” or “hold” her hand (something that we take for granted every day)?  The silver lining in this story is that Vujicic eventually found a spouse and for more than a decade, he has been holding her in his heart.

Image by 超凡 余 from Pixabay

BEING GRATEFUL FOR THE BARE ESSENTIALS

Food, water, air and shelter are the bare necessities for human survival. According to the World Health Organization, some 829,000 people are estimated to die each year from diarrhea as a result of unsafe drinking-water, sanitation and hand hygiene. Additionally, up to 820 million people (about 10% of the world’s population) regularly go to bed hungry. However, in First World countries  (such as the United States, Western Europe, and their allies), the poverty levels are relatively low and having easy access to food, water and shelter have largely become a way of life.

Former cycling Olympian star Rebecca Twigg is a great example of someone who seemingly had it all, but didn’t have much money to fall back on when her Olympic career ended and she fell on hard times. Additionally, even at the height of her success in the Olympics (to include sponsorship), she never made more than $50,000 a year.

Twigg is not the only person in life that has fallen on hard times. I personally have experienced plenty of hardships in life. However, a large part of why I have still managed to emerge from those hardships is never ceasing to be grateful for the opportunity to try again. Evidence of the benefits of not giving up and being grateful for other opportunities to try again can be seen in Thomas Edison efforts to invent the light bulb. Edison had these words to say as it relates to his disappointments, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work”.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay – Possibilities St

BEING GRATEFUL FOR OPPORTUNITIES

“”Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas A. Edison.”

In the April/May 2018 edition of AARP The Magazine, Tyler contributed an article in which he expressed his gratitude to the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr for his courage and strength. In the article Tyler wrote, “When I think about the courage and strength Dr. King possessed, while still a young man, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I couldn’t imagine taking on the challenges he did, standing face to face with mobs of people filled with prejudice and hate, yet possessing the inner strength to stare them down with love.”

Under the pressures of life, it is oftentimes so very easy to get bogged down with the things that we don’t have or the things that we have not achieved. It is also very easy to get discouraged when things don’t go the way that we planned or desired. However, if we could work on getting into the habit of being more conscious of the things that we do have and also allow ourselves to become more mindful of the many sacrifices that others have made so that we can enjoy many of the things in life that have become a way of life, perhaps we will be encouraged to (like Thomas Edison) begin to view the things that did not go our way has “failures” but rather has ways that “just didn’t work.

https://people.com/movies/chadwick-bosemans-costar-clarke-peters-regrets-judging-him-on-set-hindsight-teaches-us/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg7qyecUARE – Nick Vujicic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXNaGrhjVIk
https://worldpopulationreview.com/countries/deaths-per-day
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/drinking-water
https://www.who.int/news/item/15-07-2019-world-hunger-is-still-not-going-down-after-three-years-and-obesity-is-still-growing-un-report
https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2022/feb/08/what-an-olympic-medalist-homeless-in-seattle-wants/
https://www.forbes.com/sites/markhughes/2022/11/11/reviewbreathtaking-black-panther-wakanda-forever-will-top-1-billion-box-office/?sh=5e173f2e6b77
https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/02/entertainment/simone-boseman-chadwick-interview
https://www.forbes.com/sites/markhughes/2022/11/11/reviewbreathtaking-black-panther-wakanda-forever-will-top-1-billion-box-office/?sh=6ab64326b771

“LEST WE FORGET”

Image By Enokson CCBY2.0

Election Day is one of the most important days in American History because it provides an opportunity for citizens to exercise their Democratic right to vote. Election day has been occurring in the United States (U.S.) since the late 1800s and November was chosen as the month for  when Election Day occurs, largely out of cultural farming conveniences (https://www.history.com/news/why-is-election-day-a-tuesday-in-november).  Another important historical day in November is Veterans Day, which is an American holiday dedicated to honoring Americans who have and are currently serving in the U.S. Armed Forces.

Despite the importance of Election Day and Veterans Day many people take the freedoms that we enjoy that are often associated with these important days for granted,  largely because these freedoms have become a “way of life”. However, in other parts of the world basic freedoms are still being fought for.

It has been said, “Freedom is not Free”. It has also been said, “Those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it”.  Acknowledging important days like Election Day and Veterans Day are wonderful collective ways of reflecting on the sacrifices made through the heroism of others….“Lest We Forget”.

Image By U.S. Army CCBY2.0

WAR AND RUMORS OF WARS

“Lest we forget” is a phrase commonly used in remembrance of soldiers who lost their lives in warfare. The phrase is believed to have originated from the poem, “Recessional” by Rudyard Kipling. For decades many from around the world have made collective efforts to celebrate those who lost their lives to war, whether those efforts are on Veterans Day in the U.S. or on Remembrance Day in the Commonwealth of Nations.

Wars and conflicts have existed for centuries. Some of the most common reasons that have led to war are: economical gain, territorial Gain, religion, nationalism, revenge,political power, civil war, revolutionary war, and defensive war. The deadliest war in American history was the Civil War which was fought between 1861-1865. It is estimated that roughly 2% of the population (an estimated 620,000 men) lost their lives during the Civil War. Some of the other deadliest wars that Americans have fought in include: (1) World War II, 1941-1946, (2)World War I, 1917-1918, (3) Vietnam, 1964-1973, (4) Korean War, 1950-1953, (5) Mexican-American War, 1846-1848 (6) Iraq, 2003-2011, (7) Revolutionary War, 1775-1783, (8) Spanish-American War, 1898-1901, and the (9)Afghanistan, 2001-2021. According to the Pew Research Center, many young people are least in support of war and are more in support of efforts to secure peaceful resolutions through diplomacy and multilateral approaches. However, as desirable as this may sound, in some cases going to war may simply be inevitable.

On December 7, 1941, the Naval Station Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japanese Military force, which precipitated the entrance of the U.S. into World War II.  Prior to this, the U.S. had remained neutral during the first two years of the war. In his 1967 inaugural address, then California Governor Ronald Reagan, said ” Freedom is a fragile thing and it’s never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by way of inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people.  And those in world history who have known freedom and then lost it have never known it again”.  Having the U.S. Armed Forces available to defend our country when it is unexpectedly attacked (such was the case at Pearl Harbor) is one of the many ways that the military helps to protect us and defend our freedoms.   With the continual threat of a third World War looming in the world, it’s important to remember the sacrifices others have made for our freedoms, Lest We Forget.

Image By srqpix CCBY2.0

EXERCISING OUR RIGHT TO VOTE

As of November 2022, the U.S.had a population exceeding 35.5 million. Additionally, in 2020 the U.S. population was an estimated 329.5 million. However, according to the U.S. Census Bureau 66.8% of citizens 18 years and older voted in the 2020 presidential election, which had the highest voter turnout of the 21st century. However, this still meant that nearly 35% of the U.S. population still did not vote, and the U.S. also still falls behind many other countries for registered voter turnout, which may make some wonder if our forefathers died in vain in an effort to give all Americans the equal right to vote.  

The Fifteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution extended the right to vote to men of all races. However, it was not until The Voting Rights Act of 1965, which was signed into law by President Lyndon B. Johnson, that helped to remove legal barriers that were preventing African Americans from exercising their right to vote as guaranteed under the 15th Amendment.  Additionally, the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution granted American women the right to vote, a right known as women’s suffrage.

Image By Matthew Paul Argall CCBY2.0

Susan B. Anthony was one of the individuals who helped form The National Woman Suffrage Association (NWSA).  She also remained at the forefront of the Women’s Suffrage Movement until her death.  In one of her speeches she wrote the following:

– Speech in San Francisco (July 1871)
“If I could live another century! I do so want to see the fruition of the work for women in the past century. There is so much yet to be done, I see so many things I would like to do and say, but I must leave it for the younger generation. We old fighters have prepared the way, and it is easier than it was fifty years ago when I first got into the harness. The young blood, fresh with enthusiasm and with all the enlightenment of the twentieth century, must carry on the work.”

The U.S. 2016 presidential election was one of the most contentious U.S. elections of all times. At the end of the race, Donald Trump defeated former first lady, Senator,Secretary of State, and first female nominee of a major U.S. Party, Hillary Rodham Clinton, despite the fact that Clinton received more popular votes. Nonetheless, the dreams of Susan B. Anthony and many others were being actualized through the lives of Hillary Clinton and so many others throughout the decades. Despite all of her professional achievements in “breaking the glass ceiling“, I’ve personally known people who not only didn’t vote in the 2016 presidential election, but who consistently opt out of voting in nearly all political races. The reasons they give vary: from not feeling as if their vote would make a difference, being undecided as to who to vote for, and not really being interested in politics because they don’t think it really makes a difference in their lives. 

American philosopher and psychologist William James once said,“No decision is, in itself, a decision”. Yes, although you may not willingly make a decision either for or against something, you are still inevitably  making a decision to maintain a “status quo”, which could still have a negative impact on your life. We should never forget that if our forefathers had continuously made a habit out of going along with the “status quo”, we would not be enjoying many of the rights and freedoms that we do today.

FALLING BACK

Image By Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com CCBY2.0

Since the early 1900s the vast number of Americans have been springing forward and falling back in time as a result of Daylight Savings Time (DST). DST was first practiced in the United States during World War I as a way to conserve energy.

However, over the years, DST evolved to a twice-yearly daily shift in time keeping beginning at 2AM on the second Sunday in March and ending on the first Sunday in November. Since the late 1960s, only two states (Arizona and Hawaii) have not participated in DST.

On March 15, 2022, the US Senate, unanimously passed legislation known as the Sunshine Protection Act to establish a permanent daylight saving time. However, before the Act becomes law, approval is required by the House of Representatives and it must also be signed by the President.

DST has been a controversial subject for decades. Supporters of DST believe that it saves energy, decreases crime, and also promotes outdoor leisure activities in the summer which results in wonderful physical and psychological health benefits. On the other hand, opponents of DST believe that it can cause sleep deprivation,disrupt harvesting time for farmers, and also increase seasonal affective disorder (SAD)because of shorter winter evenings.

In addition to its connection to time change, “To Fall Back”, is an idiomatic expression with multiple meanings. It can also have both positive and negative connotations such as: falling behind at school or at work, falling back/retreating when ones safety is compromised, or falling back in love with oneself.

Image By Seth W. CCBY-SA2.0

FALLING BEHIND AT WORK

Over the years the workforce has been evolving with more people working remotely and also at varying hours. However, a large part of the workforce still work Monday through Fridays from 9am to 5pm. Regardless, of what day your “Monday” falls on, returning to work on Mondays is psychologically difficult because we lose the sense of freedom that we created for ourselves – whether that freedoms involved spending our days off indulging in activities with family or friends, going on mini getaways, or simply doing nothing but relaxing.

Other reasons that Mondays are extremely difficult may stem from having a very stressful and demanding job, not enjoying the environment that you work in, not enjoying the people you work for, or simply being exhausted after a very active weekend. Regardless of what causes you to have Manic Mondays and reduced productivity at work, there are many things that you can do if you find yourself falling behind such as:

  • Brain Dumping – Writing out your daily goals on paper and determining what is achievable
  • Saying No – Saying no to more work assignment and also not be afraid to delegate
  • Resetting Your Mind – Being realistic about your productivity goals, reminding yourself that your mental health matters, and considering listening to short guided meditations during your breaks at work.
Image By QuinnDombrowski CC BY-SA2.0

We live in a world where there is so much societal pressures that can take a toll on our mental health. These pressures may include the need to drive an expensive car, live in an expensive home, wear name brand clothing or looking a certain kind of way. This need to live up to others expectations my cause us to look negatively upon ourselves because we don’t feel as if we can measure up. However, suriving these societal pressure involves learning how to fall back in love with yourself which begins with positive self talk.

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS –

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde

The projected global population of 2022 is expected to exceed 8 billion. And of these 8 billion people approximately 1.6 million twins are born each year worldwide (with some of those being identical). And even though the standard DNA test of twins can be indistinguishable, identical twins do not have matching fingerprints. This then means, that every single person is unique. Other things that make us unique are our physical appearances, our personalities, our interests, our habits, and our creativity. No other person can be you nor can you be anyone else. Allow yourself to embrace the many wonderful things about you that simply make you the person that you are.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO MAKE MISTAKES

“Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.” ― Oprah Winfrey

Many people are living with tremendous guilt because of mistakes that they’ve made in their lives. They’ve chosen to allow other peoples’ responses to their mistakes stifle their growth and they live in a continuous pit of self-condemnation. However, in order to grow and evolve we have to recognize and accept that making mistake is a part of life.

In the words of Henry Ford, “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing”.

SOURCES:

https://www.procon.org/headlines/top-3-pros-and-cons-of-daylight-saving-time/
https://www.prb.org/resources/a-demographic-profile-of-u-s-workers-around-the-clock/
https://www.bbc.com/news/health-56365422
https://www.healthline.com/health/do-identical-twins-have-the-same-dna#different-traits

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND RENEWING YOUR MIND

Image By USAG-Humphreys CCBY2.0

Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story, which debuted on Netflix in September of 2022, became one of the most popular watched Netflix original series, and it also ranked in the top 10 on the Nielsen Streaming Ratings for the highest viewership since Nielsen began tracking streaming activities.  However, despite the show’s popularity, it became re-traumatizing for some of the victims’ families as they reflected over the violent and gruesome death of their loved ones.

The mini series also debuted on the heels of Domestic Violence Awareness Month which focuses on  acknowledging domestic violence survivors and also bringing together advocates in an effort to end domestic violence.

Domestic Violence, Relationship Violence and Dating Violence all involve patterns of behavior in which someone uses physical violence, intimidation, isolation or other forms of abuse to harm you.  However,  according to behavior psychologists, acting on these negative behaviors can be either impulsive or evolutionary.  

One psychologist who believes a person’s violent behavior is an evolutionary process is Louis Schlesinger. Schlesinger, is a professor of psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice and an expert on serial sexual murder.  As it relates to serial murderer, Jeffrey Dahmer’s, violent behavior, Schlesinger said that, “When you do something like Dahmer did, you don’t just one day do it, it begins in the mind.https://www.aetv.com/real-crime/jeffrey-dahmer-childhood-serial-killer-cannibal-bones

Like many people Jeffrey Dahmer’s childhood was not without its challenges. He and his family moved frequently, and his parents also had a tumultuous marriage which eventually ended in divorce. His mother also struggled with mental health issues. However, the childhood challenges that Dahmer faced doesn’t  typically lead to a person becoming a serial murderer, according to p

sychologists.  Additionally, in Dahmer’s own words, he killed his victims because he was, 

“so desperately lonely” and “so ashamed of being gay.”   He also chose to eat his victims because he wanted them to be part of him”. https://nypost.com/2022/10/05/jeffrey-dahmer-interviewer-reveals-why-killer-ate-victims/

According to several news stories, most of  Dahmer’s victims were gay minorities who were impoverished and extremely vulnerable. Although anyone can be a victim of violence, there are still things that individuals can proactively do in an effort to avoid becoming a victim. 

Image By Art4TheGlryOfGod by Sharon CCBY-ND

TRUST YOUR INTUITION

Many years ago, when I was in grade school, I considered getting into  a relationship with a classmate who was interested in me. For several weeks we were in frequent communication with each other which provided me with an opportunity  to begin learning more about him. However, during the process of getting to know him, he began exhibiting an extreming controlling and violent behavior, like accusing me of being interested in other guys, and also becoming extremely loud and verbally demeaning whenever we spoke. Although I did not have much of a positive male figure in my life growing up, something about the tone of his voice in comparison to how other people who cared for me would speak to me, made me feel very uneasy which caused me to walk away from the relationship that we were exploring. Occasionally he has crossed my mind, like people from our past may periodically do, and till this day, I feel confident that my decision likely caused me to avoid being in a dangerous relationship. 

Some of the ways that you can begin tuning more into your intuition is by mediating more,  practicing mindfulness, and not ignoring the physiological changes that happen in your body when you feel unsafe.

Image By Art4TheGlryOfGod by Sharon CCBY-ND

ABUSING SOMEONE IS A CHOICE

“Be Ye Transformed by the Renewing of Your Mind”, Romans 12:2

Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence” is an abusive pattern of behavior wherein an individual is vying for control and power in a relationship. Abusive acts include: physical abuse, sexual abuse, economic abuse, intimidation and isolation.

According to the American Psychological Association, socioeconomic status contributes to violent behaviors.  https://www.apa.org/pi/ses/resources/publications/violence.  Additionally, it is believed that Domestic Violence/Abuse is a “choice” as opposed to an “uncontrolled impulse” and that a “survivor’s actions cannot cause abusive behavior.  https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-causes-domestic-violence#types-of-domestic-abuse.

We will always have choices to make in life. These choices may involve choosing to accept or reject a person or situation, and also how we can more effectively respond to a person or situation.  Effectively responding to situations involves consciously becoming more aware of our thoughts, what we say and or actions.

RESOURCES:

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/fastfact.html

https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS

www.thehotline.org/

BEING THE BOSS….

Image by GDS-Productions CCBY2.0

The month of October is known for many festivals, national holidays, important events, and important days which include: Halloween, Oktoberfest,Yom Kippur, Breast Cancer Awareness, Domestic Violence Awareness, and National Boss’s Day.

Boss Day or Boss’s Day is generally observed on or around October 16th in the United States and dates back to the 1950s. It is a day for employees to express their gratitude for all of the hard work that their managers do.

A Boss is defined as someone who is in charge of or manages a group or organization, whereas a leader is defined as someone who leads and inspires others to think creatively. However, there are some who oppose National Boss’s Day and think that it is nothing more than a meaningless Hallmark holiday. There are also others who work for bosses whom they feel deserve no recognition at all. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, being a boss is not without its challenges to include choosing to be the boss of your own destination.

CHALLENGES AND REWARDS OF LEADERSHIP

Image by Cambodia4kidsorg CCBY2.0

Being a boss, manager or leader is not without its challenges. Some of these challenges include: (1) dealing with bureaucracy; (2) confronting performance issues; (3) terminating employees; and (4) effectively managing your time. However, there are also compelling benefits and rewards of choosing to be in a leadership position which include: (1) a higher salary; (2) career advancement opportunities; (3) personal growth and development; and (4) influencing others to change.

In a poem entitled, “Hallowed Ground”, the Scottish poet Thomas Campbell wrote,“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” Some of the most inspiring leaders of all times live on in the hearts and minds of many such as: Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and St. Teresa of Calcutta (Mother Teresa). Each of these individuals were transformational leaders whose lives were a reflection and testimony of love and hope that has extended beyond the grave because they all chose to follow their dreams of helping mankind.

BOSS UP AND BECOME THE CEO OF YOUR LIFE

Image by Kumar Appaiah CCBY-SA2.0

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs”….Farrah Gray

Following one’s dreams and becoming the CEO of your life takes time and courage. However, if you stay the course, you can have success in many areas of your life. Some of the ways that we can begin cultivating a BOSS/CEO mentality include: (1) knowing your self worth; (2) not sweating the small stuff; and (3) accepting that you are not perfect.

YOUR SELF WORTH

No individual will ever know your value and worth better than you because no one has lived your life but you. However, your self-worth often gets buried under the judgement, criticism and scrutiny of others, likely because those who are casting harsh judgement have never discovered their worth, and thus the vicious cycle continues.

THE SMALL STUFF

Many people’s lives have been negatively impacted because others have invested their time and energy focusing on the small stuff. I am reminded of a very sad but true story about a woman’s boyfriend who disciplined her child to death, simply because the child soiled his pants. https://www.tampabay.com/archive/2009/10/13/beaten-for-soiling-pants-toddler-dies/.

Children can indeed do things that can make us very frustrated, but we have to remember that we were all children once and did things that also frustrated our elders as well. Frustration is indeed a very common emotion, however, there are ways that we can become more effective at dealing with stressful situations which require doing a lot of internal work.

One of the best ways to help deal with stressful situations is by putting things into proper perspective. As it relates to children, we have to allow grace, love and flexibility to be our guiding light. We also have to consciously remind ourselves that kids are at a very tender age where they are learning and exploring and as such, they see the world much differently from adults. Additionally, if they do things that may disappoint us there could be other mental or emotional issues going on that they are unable to properly articulate to us.

Another way that we can better deal with stressful and frustrating situations is by practicing more mindfulness which simply involves becoming more aware of your thoughts, the words you choose and your actions. This requires doing the hard and sometimes very uncomfortable work of examining and thinking through situations before you respond.

IMPERFECT

Albert Einstein once said,“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new”

Whether you are in a leadership position where you are in charge of others or whether you are trying to manage your life in a different way, you will undoubtedly make mistakes, simply because you are human. However, the strength of leadership is learning how to forgive yourself and also consciously choosing to learn and grow from your mistakes.

HOMELESSNESS IN AMERICA AND BEYOND

Throughout the years, the United States (U.S.) has been affectionately called “The Land of Opportunity”. It is a country that many feel offers opportunities for personal growth and financial success if you are ambitious and work hard. Condoleezza Rice, who was the first female African-American secretary of state and the first woman to serve as National Security Advisor echoed many of these sentiments and has publicly shared that “what has always made our country special is that it doesn’t matter where you come from; it matters where you’re going”.

Many individuals and families have migrated to the United States in hopes of achieving “The American Dream”, the belief that upward mobility is possible for anyone, regardless of where they were born, their race, their religion, or social status. However some question how prosperity is possible for some while others struggle to survive, and in some cases only being a paycheck away from poverty and homelessness. What happened to their “American Dream”?

Food, clothing, and shelter are some of the basic necessities for human survival, yet millions of people go without both in the the U.S. and around the world. According to the National Homelessness Law Center (https://nlchp.org/) there are approximately 3.5 million people who are experiencing homelessness in America. Additionally, there are an estimated 150 million people globally who are homeless as well as an estimated 1.6 billion people lacking adequate or appropriate housing (https://yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/cities-grow-so-do-numbers-homeless). It is also estimated that that approximately 40% of american are only one paycheck away from poverty (https://prosperitynow.org/sites/default/files/resources/2019_Scorecard_Key_Findings.pdf). Homelessness is also exacerbated by economic downturns related to challenges such as war, natural disasters, or pandemics.

No one aspires to be homeless, but unfortunately there are a lot of stigmas associated with the homeless populations such as: laziness, uneducated, and lacking morals. To the contrary, homelessness is generally the result of drastic changes in ones life which include the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, divorce, domestic violence, alcoholism, drug addiction, untreated mental illness or family disputes. The true story of Chris Gardner is an example of a person that was likely judged for being homeless, despite having tremendous potential.

Chris Gardner had a troubled childhood which included not knowing who his father was, being abused by his stepfather, and being placed in foster care after his mom was sentenced to prison. However, years later, Gardner credited his mom’s advice for not letting the events in his childhood destroy him. His mom would tell Gardner, “You can only depend on yourself. The cavalry ain’t coming.” These words would eventually become Gardner’s mantra and help pave the way to his international success. (Chris Gardner, The pursuit of Happyness (New York: HarperCollins e-Books, 2014), 1-12.

In the early 1980s, Gardner and his young toddler were homeless for about a year in San Francisco, California. Gardner had accepted full custody of his young son when his ex no longer wanted the responsibility. During the year that Gardner was homeless he stayed at places like flophouses, parks, airports, church shelters, and at one point, a toilet stall at a transit station. Gardner and his son also ate at soup kitchens and what little money they had was used for daycare services for his son while Gardner worked. Gardner’s tumultuous journey through life also consisted of being arrested for $1200 worth of unpaid parking tickets due to his lack of income.

Despite the many twists and turns in Gardner’s life, he eventually found success as a stock broker, a business owner (establishing his own brokerage firm, “Gardner Rich & Co in 1987”), and eventually becoming a motivational speaker. In 2006, a biographical drama film was released about his life called, “Pursuit of Happyness”, featuring actor Will Smith as Chris Gardner and Smith’s son (Jaden Smith) as Chris Gardner’s son.

My personal and professional experience with homelessness has taught me to quickly pondered a homeless person’s situation, rather than judge them for it. This is something that we should all strive to do since nearly half of all Americans are a “paycheck” or “tragedy” away from being homeless.

ADJUSTING TO CHANGE

Image By dbking

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”….English Poet John Lydgate

The World’s human population is an estimated 7.8 billion and spans nearly 200 countries worldwide. This means our world is filled with billions of individuals who differ in many ways to include their personalities, religious beliefs, and political views. Given these statistics, it would be fair to say that humans will never agree on everything. Environmental and biological factors also affect our ability to agree as well. This should therefore be of no surprise that when significant changes occur in our lives (either individually or collectively) it will not resonate well with everyone. An example of this is when a mob of rioters stormed the United States (U.S) Capitol building on January 6, 2021 in an attempt to overturn President Donald Trump’s defeat in the 2020 presidential election. The riot led to five deaths as well as the evacuation and lock-down of the U.S Capitol building.

The U.S .Capitol attack was not the first of its kind against political leaders in the U.S. or around the world. For example, shortly after Abraham Lincoln was elected to the presidency in November of 1860, seven southern states seceded from the Union and four more followed after his inauguration. The southern states who were opposed to new political and social changes were convinced that their way of life (which was largely based on slavery) would be threatened. Consequently, a Confederate sympathizer and well-known stage actor, (John Wilkes Booth), assassinated President Abraham Lincoln at Ford’s Theatre in Washington, D.C. just five days after General Robert E. Lee surrendered his Confederate troops to Commanding U.S Army General Ulysses S. Grant. General Granted led the U.S. Army to victory during the American Civil War – a war that eventually resulted in the freeing of slaves.

At the time of Lincoln’s death, there was no modern day Secret Service. In 1865, the Secret Service, was initially established as a specialized branch of the Department of the Treasury to combat widespread counterfeiting (https://www.britannica.com/topic/US-Secret-Service). However, it wasn’t until 1902, that the Secret Service assumed the full-time responsibility of protecting the president after the assassination of President William McKinley (https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/how-president-william-mckinleys-assassination-led-modern-secret-service-180964868/).

During the 2021 presidential inauguration of President-elect Joseph R. Biden, Jr., nearly 25,000 troops were on guard at the U.S. Capitol in an effort to prevent security threats like the January 6th U.S. Capitol attack. This is believed to be the largest security presence of troops of any inauguration in American History.

History is filled with stories about individuals and groups who are opposed to the status quo and/or what they perceive to be “negative” changes. The following are significant political and social reforms that many individuals and groups were opposed to but that became defining events in the U.S. history.

THE WOMEN’S RIGHT MOVEMENT

Image by pingnews

On 01/20/2021, Kamala Harris became the first female, first black, and first Asian-American U.S. elected Vice-President. However, the journey towards this achievement had very humble beginnings before women even had the right to vote. Women’s right to vote became a reality after nearly a century of protests which gained more traction nationally in July 1848 during the Seneca Falls Convention. The focus of the convention was to discuss the social, civil, religious conditions, and rights of women.

The term “Suffrage” was commonly associated with the Women’s Rights Movement. “Suffrage” is derived from the Latin word, “suffragium”, meaning the right or privilege to vote. The Women’s Rights Movement began prior to the American Civil War (1861-1965). However, the demand for women’s suffrage began to gather steam in the 1840s.

In 1869, Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton founded the National Woman Suffrage Association (NWSA). Activists of the organization, lobbied state governments to enact laws granting or expanding women’s right to vote in the U.S.

In February of 1890, National American Woman Suffrage Association (NAWSA) was formed. The NAWSA was the merger of two existing organization, ( the National Woman Suffrage Association (NWSA) and the American Woman Suffrage Association (AWSA)). The NAWSA was instrumental in the passage of the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution in 1920 which granted women the right to vote. However, despite this achievement, widespread disenfranchisement and violence continued for people of color for decades to follow.

Opposition to voting rights for women may seen foreign in modern day American, especially when the opposition is being spearheaded by women. However, during the struggle for women’s rights to vote emerged the National Association Opposed to Woman Suffrage (NAOWS). The organization was formed in 1911 and was organized and led by Josephine Dodge. The NAOWS believed that women suffrage would decrease women’s work in communities and their ability to effect societal reforms. The organization disbanded in 1918 following the passage of the 19th Amendment.

LOVING V/S VIRGINIA

Image by Skley

The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution (which guarantees equal protection of the law), was one of three amendments passed during the American Reconstruction era (1863-1877) to abolish slavery and establish civil and legal rights for Black Americans. The 14th Amendment helped to strength the Women’s Rights Movement and also has become the basis for many landmark Supreme Court cases, such as “Loving v/s Virginia”.

Richard Loving and Mildred Jeter, were an interracial couple from the town of Central Point in Caroline County, Virginia. They were longtime friends who had fallen in love. In June of 1958, they got married in Washington D.C. because interracial marriages were illegal in the state of Virginia. Five weeks after they had returned to their home state of Virginia, they were arrested in the early morning hours at their home by the local sheriff office. They were eventually indicated on felony charges of violating Virginia’s anti-miscegenation law, which deemed interracial marriages illegal.

There legal battle began in 1963 and with the aid of two young American Civil Liberties (ACLU) lawyers (Bernard Cohen and Philip Hirschkop). The two lawyers would go on to argue before the Supreme Court that the State of Virginia’s anti-miscegenation law was illegal under the 14th Amendment to the Constitution. The lawyers arguments prevailed and on June 12, 1967, the justices of the U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that Virginia’s interracial marriage law violated the 14th Amendment to the Constitution.

The Supreme Court’s landmark ruling not only overturned the Lovings’ 1958 criminal conviction in Virginia, it also struck down laws against interracial marriage in more than a dozen states nationwide. This victory is now celebrated annually, as “Loving Day”, although it is not an official U.S. recognized holiday.

AMERICAN’S FIRST FEMALE VICE-PRESIDENT

Image by Only In Oregon

U.S Educator and Clergyman Benjamin E. Mays (1895-1984) once said, ” We today, stand on the shoulders of our predecessors who have gone before us. We, as their successors, must catch the torch of freedom and liberty passed on to us by our ancestors. We cannot lose in this battle.”

Since 1967, the number of interracial marriage have increased significantly. Of the many widely-known interracial couples in the world is Vice-President-elect Kamala Harris and her husband, Doug Emhoff (who is the the nation’s first “Second Gentleman”).

Throughout the centuries, there have been many battles fought and won in the name of civil rights and civil liberties. These battles will continue in an effort to help continually ensure equal protection under the law. As far as how Vice President-elect Kamala Harris feel about her achievements – she had this to say for the February 2021 issue of Vogue magazine….“I always say this: I may be the first to do many things—make sure I’m not the last”

CIVIL RIGHTS, CIVIL LIBERTIES, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE

For decades the fight for civil liberties, civil rights, and social justice have been a mission for many individuals and groups around the world. This fight has resulted in many deaths as well as many victories. In the United States, some of the most important civil liberties and civil rights are guaranteed by the “United States Bill of Rights” and also the 13th, 14th, 15th, 19th and 26th amendments to the constitution.

One of the most significant struggles for social justice was the civil rights movement which took place mainly during the 1950s to 1960s. During this era, people rallied for political, legal, and social change related to segregation and discrimination. Arguably one of the most famous events during the civil rights movement was the “March on Washington” which took place on August 28, 1963. The march was attended by various civil rights leaders to include Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who is one of the most influential African American civil rights leaders of all times. It was at this event that Dr. King delivered his famous, “I Have A Dream” speech.

Dr. King was instrumental in the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Dr. King was also awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace in 1964. He was assassinated on April 4, 1968. His achievements are celebrated annually nationwide on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day which is held the third Monday of January.

During the 1960s, The Civil Rights Movement provided a road-map for other social justice movements such as the Gay Rights Movement (https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/history-of-gay-rights) and the American Indian Movement (AIM) (https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/aim-occupation-of-wounded-knee-ends). The 1960’s decade was also a progressive time for the Women’s Rights Movement (a movement which began in the 19th century).

The human brutality during the Civil Rights Movement attracted international condemnation and affected the United States influences around the world. It also left some to question if the U.S. had a commitment to freedom and human rights.

Our civil liberties and freedoms are a precious gift that have been bequested to us through the personal

sacrifices of others. Some of the ways we can express our gratitude for these sacrifices are: remaining in a state of continuous gratitude, understanding our history, having meaningful conversations about race and social justice, and continuously taking actions against racial and social injustices.

(1) KNOW YOUR HISTORY

George Santayana once said, “Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

On the evening of April 14, 1865, a well known stage actor and Confederate sympathizer (John Wilkes Booth) assassinated President Abraham Lincoln. President Lincoln was one of the most influential presidents in the United States History and was known for his leadership during the American Civil War and also his support of civil liberties, by signing the Emancipation Proclamation, an executive order freeing slaves. Decades later another influential president, John F.Kennedy, who also supported civil liberties was also assassinated on November 22, 1963. Both presidents were shot on a Friday with a fatal bullet to the head. Oddly, both of their successors had the last name of “Johnson” (Andrew Johnson and Lyndon B. Johnson).

It is not uncommon for those who support social justice and qualities to pay the price of their beliefs with their life. It is therefore, not only important to remember the sacrifices of others, but discover ways that we can co-exists despite our differences.

(2) HAVE MORE MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS ABOUT RACE

“Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters”

Margaret Wheatley

Brave conversations starts in our home. Parent(s) are very influential and in a healthy home environment, they can be our best teachers. If you grow up in an environment, for example where being a certain color makes you more superior or that one race is “purer” than another, then you will begin to believe this. However, as we teach our children or as we having meaningful conversation about race, it is important facts, such as “pure” races do not exist today in the sense of genetically homogeneous population. https://physanth.org/about/position-statements/aapa-statement-race-and-racism-2019/.

(3) TAKE ACTION AGAINST RACIAL AND SOCIAL INJUSTICE.

Congressman John Lewis was affectionately known as the “Conscious of Congress”. For more than five decades, Lewis was a champion for peace, justice and equality. Some of his work included: being one of the nonviolent Freedom Riders who were beaten and arrested in the South, leading over 600 demonstrators in march across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma Alabama and being brutally attached by state troopers, and delivering a speech during the 1963 March on Washington event. Additionally, although Lewis was arrested more than 40 times for civil rights activities, he took it in stride. He also is famously known as saying this about getting in trouble, “Ordinary people with extraordinary vision can redeem the soul of America by getting in what I call good trouble, necessary trouble”.

LEGENDS AND LEGACY

https://open.spotify.com/

“We build our legacy piece by piece, and maybe the whole world will remember you or maybe just a couple of people, but you do what you can to make sure you’re still around after you’re gone.”…. David Lowery

Traditionally, legends have been defined as a story about human events or actions that have not been proven nor documented in real history. However, legends can also relate to people who are very famous and widely known for doing something special either in the present or in the past.

A legacy, on the other hand, is anything handed down from the past such as from an ancestor to a predecessor. Metaphorically, leaving a legacy is like planting a seed in a garden that you may never get to see blossom while others reap the fruits of your labor.

Ones legacy can either be positive or negative. In many people’s eyes, the former chancellor of Germany, Adolf Hitler, left a negative legacy due to his anti-semitic beliefs which resulted in the Holocaust (the systematic murder of millions of jews between 1941-1945 because they were deemed to be an inferior race and a threat to the German racial purity).

Former United States President Abraham Lincoln, on the other hand was considered one of the greatest presidents in the nation and is widely known for guiding the nation through a tumultourus Civil War that preserved the Union. Lincoln is also known for issuing the Emancipation Proclamation that freed the slaves. He also supported may other important bills during his administration such as the 1862 Pacific Railway Act, the 1862 Homestead Act and the establishment of the USDA in 1862.

Leaving a positive legacy or becoming legendary is within the realm of possibility for us all. Sometimes legacy can involve passing on fiancial wealth. However, it can also involve making a significant contribution to the world either in a ‘one on one’ relationship or on a much larger scale.

However, to effectively leave a positive legacy requires a few key ingredients:

(1) PURSUING YOUR PASSION

Since 2007, CNN has aired a television program known as: CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute. The program honors individuals who have made significant contributions to society. The winner of the CNN Hero award receives $100, 000 to expand their work. The 2019 winner of this prestigious award was Freweini Mebrahtu for her work involving designing a reusable menstrual pad to help keep girls in school in Ethiopia due to the cultural stigma surrounding the menstrual cycle. This cultural stigma consisted of ostracizing and humiliating girls and women during their monthly cycle. However, the creation of the reusable menstrual pad, which was patented in 2005, helped bring dignity to many girls and women. Since this time, more than 800,000 girls and women have benefited from Mebrahtu’s work. Mebrahtu is an example of someone who truly embraced her passion, despite how trivial or unimportant her mission may have seemed to some.

(2) HOLDING FAST TO YOUR VALUES

Evangelical Christian pastor, author, educator, and radio preacher Charles. R. Swindoll once said, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” One person’s life that was very demonstrative of this was former South African President Nelson Mandela. Mandela was the country’s first black president that was elected in a fully democratic election. Mandela, who had been a human rights activists for years, helped bring an end to apartheid in South Africa and he also remained a devoted champion for peace and social justice internationally until is death in 2013 at the age of 95. He was also jointly awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace in 1993 for his efforts in help to end apartheid. However, despite how glorified his life and story may seem, his great legacy came with a price, which involved being jailed for a third of his life (from 1962 to 1990).

Of the many things Mandela has said about his time in in prison was this: “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” Indeed, Mandela found the secret to inner peace by letting go of the past, holding holding on to his values, and also recognizing the healing power of forgiveness.

(3) SERVING OTHERS

Mother Teresa once said, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”

Mother Teresa is considered one of the 20th Century’s greatest humanitarian. She was the founder of the Order of the Missionaries of Charity, which focused on helping the sick and the poor. In 1979, Mother Teresa received the Nobel Peace Prize for her humanitarian work and was canonized as Saint Teresa of Calcutta in 2016.

Mother Teresa committed herself to her religious vocation at an early age. When she was 18, Mother Teresa, who was known by her birth name of “Agnes” at the time, left home and joined the Sisters of Loreto in Rathfarnham, Ireland. Her unwavering commitment to serve society and mankind was greatly recognized by students and teacher until her death in September of 1997.