“Broken Flowers” by h.koppdelaney is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0.
The Grammy and Video music Awards have seen its share of controversies, and the 2023 Grammy Awards was no exception. Many fans from around the world including those in the Grammy audience were shocked to learn that Harry Styles won best Pop Vocal Album of the year instead of Beyonce. Despite her loss in that category, Beyonce still made history by receiving the most Grammy awards of all time after winning Best Dance/Electronic Album of the year for her Renaissance album which contains the lead single “Break My Soul”.
“Break My Soul”, is a motivational and encouraging tune about standing up against the pains and disappointments in our lives and taking in more positive energy.
Experiencing pain and disappointments in our lives is inevitable. But how we choose to deal with these pains and disappointments is a personal choice.
“BEst-Friend” by Untitled blue is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
SIGNS OF A BROKEN SOUL/SPIRIT
It has been said that , “The human body can bear immeasurable pain and yet recover. Wounds can heal. But once the spirit is broken, everything falls apart.”
There are many things in life that may cause our soul or spirit to be broken. These things may include: the demise of a relationship, death of a loved one or a shattered dream. And according to psychological research studies, when painful traumas are not adequately processed in your psyche, it can lead to poor decision making.
One of the signs of a broken spirit is addictive behavior (i.e., alcoholism, eating disorders, depression, sex addiction, perfectionism, controlims, etc.). And healing from addictions can sometimes be a long arduous journey, but a journey that is necessary if you want to be set free.
Another sign of a broken spirit is bitterness which can negatively impact our health and relationships with others. One of the best ways to combat bitterness is forgiveness, which can be more easily accomplished when you realize that “hurt people” hurt people.
“ezekiel-36-26-i-will-give-you-a-new-heart-spirit-flesh-stone-broken-heart-dark-stonewall-pillar-ruby-red-green” by theoriginalhoodlum is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
HEALING FROM A BROKEN SOUL SPIRIT
“The human body can bear immeasurable pain and yet recover. Wounds can heal. But once the spirit is broken, everything falls apart”… Palden Gyatso
Healing from a broken soul is a personal journey that has no specific time table. Ideally, healing sooner than later is what most probably desire. But sometimes there can be powerful lessons learned along our journey towards healing. Here are a few things that you can do to help your healing process:
Acknowledge your pain
Express your grief to others
Seek out new sources of joy
Mediate
Embrace a positive mantra
Seek professional support
Remember, healing takes time and courage. And once you begin to heal, you will have better control over your thoughts and feelings.
“Public Domain: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. at 1963 March on Washington by USIA (NARA)” by pingnews.com is marked with Public Domain Mark 1.0.
“Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life”…Bob Marley
FIGHT FOR YOUR DREAMS
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, was one of the most influential leaders of the 20th Century. He spent over a decade fighting for social justice and equal rights by helping to spearhead the civil rights movement from 1955 until his assassination in 1968.
On April 3, 1968, on the eve of his death, Dr. King gave a speech to an overflowing crowd filled with sanitation workers who were on strike in Memphis, Tennessee. In the speech, which became known as the “Mountaintop Speech”, Dr. King said the following, “….But it really doesn’t matter with me now, because I’ve been to the mountaintop … I’ve seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land”. Dr. King was assassinated the following day.
In life, sometimes there will be consequences for fighting for what you believe in, and sometimes those consequences can result in death or lead to various hardships in your life. However, if your fight happens to end in death, I hope that you will find comfort in knowing (as Dr. King did) that,“You can kill the dreamer, but you can’t kill the dream”…..Dr. Mr. Luther King Jr.
“Harriet Tubman “The Moses of Her People”” by TradingCardsNPS is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
“Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone.” – Novak Djokovic
STANDING ALONE
“To fight” has numerous definitions to include: to gain by struggle, to resolve by struggle and to put forth a determined effort. There are many things in life that we may have to fight for such as: freedom, equality, and social justice. Sometimes our fight for these essential values is a collective journey, while at other times we may be a lone wolf.
One of the most powerful freedom fighters of all time is that of the daring abolitionist, Harriet Tubman, who escaped to freedom and also risked her life to lead others to freedom through the Underground Railroad. However, Tubman’s escape to freedom didn’t come without its consequences, and at times she would also find herself standing and fighting alone.
When Tubman initially tried to escape, she attempted to do so with two of her brothers, who eventually had a change of heart during the process and decided to turn back, which forced Tubman to do the same. However, during Tubman’s next attempt, she traveled alone and was successfully able to make it to freedom.
Tubman worked as a conductor on the Underground Railroad for a little over a decade and helped many people obtain freedom to include many members of her family. However, her first husband (who was a free slave), never joined her. Eventually, they separated and they both remarried.
It is not uncommon for the things that we are fighting for to cause conflict with our loved ones. However, at the end of the day, if we are unable to compromise, then we have to determine if our “fight” is worth the potential risk of losing those things that are comfortable and familiar to us.
“Public Domain: WWI: Joan of Arc Saved France Poster by Haskell Coffin (NARA)” by pingnews.com is marked with Public Domain Mark 1.0.
FIGHTING LIFE ON YOUR OWN TERMS
Fighting for what you believe in could also mean fighting to live your life on your own terms.
Joan of Arc was a peasant girl who became inspired to fight for her country’s freedom. Consequently, she was able to convince crown prince Charles of Valois to allow her to lead a French Army to fight against the Kingdom of England in the early 1400s during the Hundred Years’ War. However, during the war (and also despite many victories) she was captured and eventually burned at the stake for committing heresy because of her claim that she was divinely inspired to lead a French army.
Despite staring into the face of death, Joan’s faith never wavered and she also died believing that “Every man gives his life for what he believes … one life is all we have to live and we live it according to what we believe”..Joan of Arc
Not every fight in our lives has to involve a physical, political, or social war. Sometimes the things that we fight for are intangible such as: honesty, integrity, or a peace of mind. Other things in our lives that are worth fighting for on a continuous basis are: your dreams, your principles, your loved ones, and a noble cause. And always keep in mind that “If you don’t fight for what you believe in then what are you living for”???
“When you blame others for your circumstances, you surrender control of your future”…Frank Sonnenberg
To Blame is defined as, “to say or think that someone or something did something wrong or is responsible for something bad happening”.
Many of us have likely blamed others for some disappointment that we have experienced in our lives. In some situations, this blameis more justifiable than in others particularly if terrible things happen to us during those formative and impressionable years of our lives -those years when we are relying on the guidance of our parents, guardians, elders and spiritual leaders. However, when things don’t go as we planned or hoped for, at some point along life’s journey we have to choose to take responsibility for the choices and decisions that we make in our lives regardless of the outcome they yield.
Image Bu cocoparisienne – Pixabay
THE BLAME GAME AND CRIME
According to the American Civil Liberties Union, the United States has more than 20% of the world’s prison population. Additionally, since 1970, the United States incarceration population has increased by 500% with nearly 2 million people being incarcerated in 2022. Over the years criminologists have tried to explain what leads to criminal behavior. Their efforts to explain such criminal behavior include factors such as: evil spirits, biological, psychological, societal or economical. Although these are factors that could potentially influence a person’s criminal behavior, some criminologists believe that proceeding with the commission of a crime is a matter of choice, which is often referred to as the Rational Choice Theory.
“I Am a Killer” is a series on Netflix and Crime+Investigation UK. The series features interviews with death row inmates. There have been 4 seasons of this crime series that has been released since 2018. Many fans of the crime series resonated with the story of David Barnett from Season 2 on Netflix. David Barnett had been on death row for over two decades for the murder of his adoptive grandparents. David killed his grandparents on February 4, 1996, shortly after confessing to them that their son (John Barnett, who had adopted David at the age of 7 had been physically and sexually abusing him for years). However, his birth mom was an alcoholic, he was molested by a friend of his mother, and also spent time in the foster care system.
In 2015, David’s death sentence was overturned after a judge ruled that his lawyers should have introduced more evidence into court about David’s traumatic childhood. Consequently, David’s death row sentence was commuted to life in prison without the possibility of parole.
It is not uncommon for some prisoners to not only confess to their crimes, but also to have remorse. As it relates to David, he confessed that he, “… went into a state of overkill, of manic rage. I lost consciousness and killed two innocent people.” David also further took ownership of his action by sharing with viewers that he didn’t hate his adoptive father because he had his own issues to overcome.
Image By johnhain – Pixabay
TAKING MORE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS
“When you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself.”…Deepak Chopra
Throughout the years I have spent time volunteering with different organizations. For the most part, my experience has been very positive. However, once I had an experience that resulted in my terminating my involvement with a particular family that I was working with at the time because they repeatedly missed scheduled appointments. After informing one of the parents about my decision to terminate the relationship (after receiving approval from the organization that I was volunteering with to proceed with my decision), I was quickly accused by this parent of walking out on the family’s needs. As part of my explanation to the family, I summarized why I was terminating the relationship and also added that it was really unfortunate that they were not taking responsibility for their own actions.
One of the main reasons that people do not take responsibility for their actions and decisions is because it is easier to look for a “scapegoat” rather than take an introspective look at their own actions (which takes courage to do). Once you make the decision to do this along with doing other constructive things like (stop making excuses, honoring your word, and start setting personal goals) you will begin to gain the respect of others.
Remember, “It’s easy to blame others for your situation. It’s much more productive to search your own past and find what caused your faults.”.. Anonymous
“Every great move forward in your life begins with a leap of faith, a step into the”...Brian Tracy
One afternoon, I had a brief conversation with a stranger in a parking lot. We both had just finished shopping at the same store and started sharing stories about the positive experience we had while shopping. However, our conversation quickly morphed into a deeper conversation about life, with this stranger choosing to share with me how she felt stuck and was having problems with moving past a lot of painful experiences in her life (which included the recent death of her mom as well as recently being robbed). I responded by telling her that moving forward is a choice because life will always be filled with disappointments and challenges.
Oftentimes as we begin closing out one year, many people look forward to the start of the new year because they believe that things will begin to get better for them. However, although the start of a new year will give us a sense of a fresh start, moving forward is a personal journey that takes commitment and time.
MOVING FORWARD AFTER DEATH
“Dying” by nxb is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
According to www.ourworldindata.org, there were 67.1 million deaths worldwide in 2022 and 65.81 births, which means that everyday just as many people are dying as they are being born. We are all a part of the circle of life and our human bodies are simply not made to last forever in its current state. However, this fact still doesn’t put many of us at ease about the inevitability of death because of our fear of the unknown once we cross over. However,what we think about death can affect how we live our lives and also how we process grief.
An important aspect of grieving is first recognizing that there are various stages to the grieving process and also recognizing that the timeline for grieving varies. The stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and eventually acceptance (https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/). Additionally, not everyone goes through the stages of grief in a linear fashion. It is also not uncommon for someone to repeat the stages of grief.
Given that death is inevitable, there are many things that we can do in advance to help prepare for the death of our loved ones. (1) Expressing our love for them while they are alive (2) clearing the air of suppressed feelings and emotions, (3) start having healthy conversations about death, and (3) begin the difficult and emotional process of beginning to imagine what life is going to be like when your loved one is no longer around.
MOVING FORWARD AFTER BETRAYAL
“LOYALTY | BETRAYAL” by Rory Finneren is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies”…author unknown
Betrayal is defined as the violation of a person’s trust or confidence, an act of deliberate disloyalty, or the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract.
Betrayal can happen at any stage of our lives and also in so many different areas of our lives. Types of betrayal in romantic relationships include: sexual infidelity, a nonsexual affair, lying, disrespect, and breaking promises. Betrayal can also happen in other types of relationships as well such as: family betrayal, friendships betrayal and professional betrayals.
When I was in high school, I experienced one of the biggest heartbreaks and betrayals of my life. It was the day that I found out that my high school boyfriend was having a secret relationship with one of my classmates (who was also a friend). I later learned that one of the main reasons that my “then-boyfriend” gravitated towards her is that she was giving him something physically that I was not willing to give. When I eventually found out about the covert lifestyle that he was living I was beyond devastated. All of our dreams about getting married and having a family were washed down the drain. His actions also caused me to distrust boys and I spent the rest of my high school years not dating anyone.
Dealing with betrayal as an adolescent is much different from dealing with betrayal as an adult because adolescents don’t have the same capacity as adults to control their reactions and emotions. However, healing from betrayal is still possible. And one of the best ways of healing is going through the stages of grief which can be applicable to various major life transitions (such as being betrayed). What helped me to begin coping with my betrayal as a teenager was expressing my feelings to someone that I trusted (my best friend at the time) and also journalling until I finally mustered up the courage to move on and let go.
“The four capital mistakes of open source” by opensourceway is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0
MOVING FORWARD PAST FAILURES AND MISTAKES
Oprah Winfrey once said, “There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction”.
Many people are being held hostage to their past. Painful emotions such as regret, shame and guilt hinders them from moving forward. Although it may be true that some of our choices may have negative consequences in our lives, moving forward is still possible once we accept that mistakes are a natural part of life.
Part of being human is understanding that we are finite beings that are imperfect and that we are molded by our life experiences and personal choices. Therefore, we can personally choose to let go of our past mistakes. Some positive ways of doing this include: (1) Forgiving yourself (2) Forgiving others and (3) Seeking support. Remember, “your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you”…author unknown.
During the winter months some people begin to experience a type of depression known as Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD due to the changes in the season. According to Mayoclinic.org, in most cases SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year with symptoms starting in the fall and continuing into the winter months, sapping away energy and making people feel moody.Treatment for SAD include light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, oral medications, exercising, adding more vitamin D to ones diet, and connecting with others.
Signs and symptoms of SAD are similar to depression and as such may include the following:
•A change in sleep pattern (Desiring to sleep all of the time or having problems sleeping) •Normal tasks become draining •A feeling of hopelessness •Avoiding people or activities •Extreme changes in appetite •Turning to alcohol or drugs for comfort
CONNECTING IN OUR YOUTH
Image By ds628 Connection by MNSC CCO 1.0
It has also been said that the most important things in life are the connections you make with others, “Tom Ford”. This connection begins while we are in the womb and extends throughout the various seasons of our lives. For example, according to www.healthline.com fetuses are able to hear sound at 18 weeks of pregnancy and between 25-26 weeks, fetuses can respond to voices and other sounds while they are in the wound.
The connection with a fetus extends beyond the wound as they are being cradled and spoken softly after they are born, which makes them feel safe. And as we continue to grow and blossom in life, the need to connect with others changes but still continues. For example, toddlers connect with their caretakers for guidance and protection. And as we blossom into teenager and adulthood, we still need to connect with our caretakers for guidance, protection, support, and directions. Oftentimes the connection we make with our parents or caretakers during the formative years can greatly impact how we connect with others in adulthood as we begin to carve out various relationships
CONNECTING IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hands touching through window – Image by shixart1985 CCB 2.0
Connecting with others is an integral part of our existence. But, is it possible to be around other people and still not feel very connected? Absolutely. Sometimes this may stem from a history of being judged or misunderstood. Or perhaps you feel insecure about how to positively connect with others. Despite what your reasons may be, this doesn’t mean that connecting with others isn’t relevant or necessary. Rather, it simply means that we have not made the right types of connections which simply takes time and effort on everyone’s part. Here are a few ways to better connect with others no matter what type of relationship that you may have with them:
•Explore and learn something new together •Celebrate special occasions together either in person or online •Participate in physical activities together (i.e. cycling, dancing, gaming, etc.) •Share recipes and/or cook together •Pray or meditate together •Kiss, hug, or snuggle with your loved ones •Surprise your loved ones with something unexpected •Make eye to eye connection
CONNECTING WITH OUR INNER CHILD
Inner Child Image By Pointshogger www.pointshogger.com CCBY ND2.0
We will always be someone’s child. As we age, we simply just become bigger versions our ourselves and we also have more responsibilities. With this in mind, one of the most important connections that we neglect is connecting with our inner child which is important to do in order to more effectively nourish our hearts, minds and spirit. It is also important in order for us to evolve because the things that happen to us as a child are a forever part of our psyche.
With so many demands in life, it is so very easy to get distracted, discouraged or distance yourself from others. However, taking the time to nourish our inner child can ensure that our personal needs are being addressed and met so that we can better ourselves as well as others. Here are some ways to connect with your inner child:
• Talk to a therapist • Journal your thoughts • Spend time doing things that you use to enjoy • Re-read a childhood story • Rekindle a childhood passion • Reconnect with childhood friends
On November 11, 2022, “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” was released in theaters and generated approximately $205 million domestically and $176 million internationally in one weekend. “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” was the sequel to the movie “Black Panther ” that was released in 2018. By the second week of its release, “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever ”, was on track to top the billion dollar box office hit tier despite having unexpectedly losing one of its lead characters (Chadwick Boseman) to cancer in 2020 while directors were working on the sequel.
Boseman, who was 43 years of age when he died, was known for breathing life into legendary characters and people, the likes of which include:Thurgood Marshall, Jackie Robinson, James Brown and T’Challa (commonly known by his appointed title of “Black Panther”).
In an interview with television personality Whoopi Goldberg, Boseman’s widow,Simone Ledward Boseman, described how grateful she was to have been by her husband’s side. She also shared with Goldberg that she couldn’t “believe that I got to love this person and I also got him to love me too”.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude“. One of the ways that Boseman’s widow has lived up to these words is by keeping her husband’s legacy alive through a scholarship program at his beloved alma mater (Howard University) in Washington, D.C.
Just like Simone Boseman has done ,as well as so many others throughout the years, it’s important to learn how to see our glass half full instead of half empty no matter what is happening during the various seasons of our lives.
Image By Gerd Altmann, Pixabay
SEEING YOUR GLASS HALF FULL
It is so easy to get caught up in the dialogue of the mainstream media or social trends about what people think we should or ought to have.
According to www.theworldcounts.com, It’s estimated that around 385,000 babies are born worldwide every day. That’s about 267 babies a minute. Additionally, it is estimated that approximately 185,000 people die each day, which equates to millions of people who die each year. The goal of sharing these statistics is not to minimize the pain that a person feels when they lose a loved one. Rather, it is being done to reinforce the reality that death is inevitable no matter how untimely we may feel death is when when it comes to losing our loved one (s). However, a healthy part of the grief process is basking in the memories of our loved ones, and also doing what we can to advance their legacy.
Image By Clker-Free-Fector-Images from Pixabay
BEING GRATEFUL FOR OUR HEALTH
Shortly after Boseman’s death on August 28, 2020, actor Clarke Peters, who was a former co-star of Boseman on the set of Spike Lee’s war movie, “Da 5 Bloods”,expressed his regret about pre-maturely judging Boseman. In an interview that Peters did with Good Morning Britain, Peters admitted that he told his wife that he thought Chadwick was a “Bit Precious” when his wife inquired as to how it was like working with Boseman. Peters also shared with Good Morning Britain, that the reason why he felt this way about Boseman is due to the fact that he would often see Boseman surrounded by Chinese practitioners massaging his back, a makeup lady massaging his feet and His girlfriend holding his hand whenever Boseman walked off the set of Black Panther. However, Peters nor most of the world did not know that Boseman was battling colon cancer twhile he was filming the movie that would eventually take his life at the age of 43.
The average death age in America is around 77 years. However, there are many health conditions that can affect our body during these years either that we are either are born with or that manifest themselves in our bodies over the years.
Some years ago, I injured my calf muscle which rendered me unable to walk on my calf muscle for a couple of weeks. What made it more difficult is that my home has stairs so it was a struggle to make it up and down the stairs when I was alone. During the physical challenges that I was experiencing, I was reminded of one of my heroes, Nick Vujicic , who was born without arms and legs. He also had major concerns about whether or not he would get married as well as many other concerns about how living without limbs would affect his life. He also wondered that if he did indeed find a spouse, how could he ever “hug” or “hold” her hand (something that we take for granted every day)? The silver lining in this story is that Vujicic eventually found a spouse and for more than a decade, he has been holding her in his heart.
Image by 超凡 余 from Pixabay
BEING GRATEFUL FOR THE BARE ESSENTIALS
Food, water, air and shelter are the bare necessities for human survival. According to the World Health Organization, some 829,000 people are estimated to die each year from diarrhea as a result of unsafe drinking-water, sanitation and hand hygiene. Additionally, up to 820 million people (about 10% of the world’s population) regularly go to bed hungry. However, in First World countries (such as the United States, Western Europe, and their allies), the poverty levels are relatively low and having easy access to food, water and shelter have largely become a way of life.
Former cycling Olympian star Rebecca Twigg is a great example of someone who seemingly had it all, but didn’t have much money to fall back on when her Olympic career ended and she fell on hard times. Additionally, even at the height of her success in the Olympics (to include sponsorship), she never made more than $50,000 a year.
Twigg is not the only person in life that has fallen on hard times. I personally have experienced plenty of hardships in life. However, a large part of why I have still managed to emerge from those hardships is never ceasing to be grateful for the opportunity to try again. Evidence of the benefits of not giving up and being grateful for other opportunities to try again can be seen in Thomas Edison efforts to invent the light bulb. Edison had these words to say as it relates to his disappointments, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work”.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay – Possibilities St
BEING GRATEFUL FOR OPPORTUNITIES
“”Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas A. Edison.”
In the April/May 2018 edition of AARP The Magazine, Tyler contributed an article in which he expressed his gratitude to the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr for his courage and strength. In the article Tyler wrote, “When I think about the courage and strength Dr. King possessed, while still a young man, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I couldn’t imagine taking on the challenges he did, standing face to face with mobs of people filled with prejudice and hate, yet possessing the inner strength to stare them down with love.”
Under the pressures of life, it is oftentimes so very easy to get bogged down with the things that we don’t have or the things that we have not achieved. It is also very easy to get discouraged when things don’t go the way that we planned or desired. However, if we could work on getting into the habit of being more conscious of the things that we do have and also allow ourselves to become more mindful of the many sacrifices that others have made so that we can enjoy many of the things in life that have become a way of life, perhaps we will be encouraged to (like Thomas Edison) begin to view the things that did not go our way has “failures” but rather has ways that “just didn’t work.
Election Day is one of the most important days in American History because it provides an opportunity for citizens to exercise their Democratic right to vote. Election dayhas been occurring in the United States (U.S.) since the late 1800s and November was chosen as the month for when Election Day occurs, largely out of cultural farming conveniences (https://www.history.com/news/why-is-election-day-a-tuesday-in-november). Another important historical day in November is Veterans Day, which is an American holiday dedicated to honoring Americans who have and are currently serving in the U.S. Armed Forces.
Despite the importance of Election Day and Veterans Day many people take the freedoms that we enjoy that are often associated with these important days for granted, largely because these freedoms have become a “way of life”. However, in other parts of the world basic freedoms are still being fought for.
It has been said, “Freedom is not Free”. It has also been said,“Those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it”. Acknowledging important days like Election Day and Veterans Day are wonderful collective ways of reflecting on the sacrifices made through the heroism of others….“Lest We Forget”.
Image By U.S. Army CCBY2.0
WAR AND RUMORS OF WARS
“Lest we forget” is a phrase commonly used in remembrance of soldiers who lost their lives in warfare. The phrase is believed to have originated from the poem, “Recessional” by Rudyard Kipling. For decades many from around the world have made collective efforts to celebrate those who lost their lives to war, whether those efforts are on Veterans Day in the U.S. or on Remembrance Day in the Commonwealth of Nations.
Wars and conflicts have existed for centuries. Some of the most common reasons that have led to war are: economical gain, territorial Gain, religion, nationalism, revenge,political power, civil war, revolutionary war, and defensive war. The deadliest war in American history was the Civil War which was fought between 1861-1865. It is estimated that roughly 2% of the population (an estimated 620,000 men) lost their lives during the Civil War. Some of the other deadliest wars that Americans have fought in include: (1) World War II, 1941-1946, (2)World War I, 1917-1918, (3) Vietnam, 1964-1973, (4) Korean War, 1950-1953, (5) Mexican-American War, 1846-1848 (6) Iraq, 2003-2011, (7) Revolutionary War, 1775-1783, (8) Spanish-American War, 1898-1901, and the (9)Afghanistan, 2001-2021. According to the Pew Research Center, many young people are least in support of war and are more in support of efforts to secure peaceful resolutions through diplomacy and multilateral approaches. However, as desirable as this may sound, in some cases going to war may simply be inevitable.
On December 7, 1941, the Naval Station Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japanese Military force, which precipitated the entrance of the U.S. into World War II. Prior to this, the U.S. had remained neutral during the first two years of the war. In his 1967 inaugural address, then California Governor Ronald Reagan, said ” Freedom is a fragile thing and it’s never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by way of inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. And those in world history who have known freedom and then lost it have never known it again”. Having the U.S. Armed Forces available to defend our country when it is unexpectedly attacked (such was the case at Pearl Harbor) is one of the many ways that the military helps to protect us and defend our freedoms. With the continual threat of a third World War looming in the world, it’s important to remember the sacrifices others have made for our freedoms, Lest We Forget.
Image By srqpix CCBY2.0
EXERCISING OUR RIGHT TO VOTE
As of November 2022, the U.S.had a population exceeding 35.5 million. Additionally, in 2020 the U.S. population was an estimated 329.5 million. However, according to the U.S. Census Bureau 66.8% of citizens 18 years and older voted in the 2020 presidential election, which had the highest voter turnout of the 21st century. However, this still meant that nearly 35% of the U.S. population still did not vote, and the U.S. also still falls behind many other countries for registered voter turnout, which may make some wonder if our forefathers died in vain in an effort to give all Americans the equal right to vote.
The Fifteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution extended the right to vote to men of all races. However, it was not until The Voting Rights Act of 1965, which was signed into law by President Lyndon B. Johnson, that helped to remove legal barriers that were preventing African Americans from exercising their right to vote as guaranteed under the 15th Amendment. Additionally, the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution granted American women the right to vote, a right known as women’s suffrage.
Image By Matthew Paul Argall CCBY2.0
Susan B. Anthony was one of the individuals who helped form The National Woman Suffrage Association (NWSA). She also remained at the forefront of the Women’s Suffrage Movement until her death. In one of her speeches she wrote the following:
– Speech in San Francisco (July 1871) “If I could live another century! I do so want to see the fruition of the work for women in the past century. There is so much yet to be done, I see so many things I would like to do and say, but I must leave it for the younger generation. We old fighters have prepared the way, and it is easier than it was fifty years ago when I first got into the harness. The young blood, fresh with enthusiasm and with all the enlightenment of the twentieth century, must carry on the work.”
The U.S. 2016 presidential election was one of the most contentious U.S. elections of all times. At the end of the race, Donald Trump defeated former first lady, Senator,Secretary of State, and first female nominee of a major U.S. Party, Hillary Rodham Clinton, despite the fact that Clinton received more popular votes. Nonetheless, the dreams of Susan B. Anthony and many others were being actualized through the lives of Hillary Clinton and so many others throughout the decades. Despite all of her professional achievements in “breaking the glass ceiling“, I’ve personally known people who not only didn’t vote in the 2016 presidential election, but who consistently opt out of voting in nearly all political races. The reasons they give vary: from not feeling as if their vote would make a difference, being undecided as to who to vote for, and not really being interested in politics because they don’t think it really makes a difference in their lives.
American philosopher and psychologist William James once said,“No decision is, in itself, a decision”. Yes, although you may not willingly make a decision either for or against something, you are still inevitably making a decision to maintain a “status quo”, which could still have a negative impact on your life. We should never forget that if our forefathers had continuously made a habit out of going along with the “status quo”, we would not be enjoying many of the rights and freedoms that we do today.
Since the early 1900s the vast number of Americans have been springing forward and falling back in time as a result of Daylight Savings Time (DST). DST was first practiced in the United States during World War I as a way to conserve energy.
However, over the years, DST evolved to a twice-yearly daily shift in time keeping beginning at 2AM on the second Sunday in March and ending on the first Sunday in November. Since the late 1960s, only two states (Arizona and Hawaii) have not participated in DST.
On March 15, 2022, the US Senate, unanimously passed legislation known as the Sunshine Protection Act to establish a permanent daylight saving time. However, before the Act becomes law, approval is required by the House of Representatives and it must also be signed by the President.
DST has been a controversial subject for decades. Supporters of DST believe that it saves energy, decreases crime, and also promotes outdoor leisure activities in the summer which results in wonderful physical and psychological health benefits. On the other hand, opponents of DST believe that it can cause sleep deprivation,disrupt harvesting time for farmers, and also increase seasonal affective disorder (SAD)because of shorter winter evenings.
In addition to its connection to time change, “To Fall Back”, is an idiomatic expression with multiple meanings. It can also have both positive and negative connotations such as: falling behind at school or at work, falling back/retreating when ones safety is compromised, or falling back in love with oneself.
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FALLING BEHIND AT WORK
Over the years the workforce has been evolving with more people working remotely and also at varying hours. However, a large part of the workforce still work Monday through Fridays from 9am to 5pm. Regardless, of what day your “Monday” falls on, returning to work on Mondays is psychologically difficult because we lose the sense of freedom that we created for ourselves – whether that freedoms involved spending our days off indulging in activities with family or friends, going on mini getaways, or simply doing nothing but relaxing.
Other reasons that Mondays are extremely difficult may stem from having a very stressful and demanding job, not enjoying the environment that you work in, not enjoying the people you work for, or simply being exhausted after a very active weekend. Regardless of what causes you to have Manic Mondays and reduced productivity at work, there are many things that you can do if you find yourself falling behind such as:
Brain Dumping – Writing out your daily goals on paper and determining what is achievable
Saying No – Saying no to more work assignment and also not be afraid to delegate
Resetting Your Mind – Being realistic about your productivity goals, reminding yourself that your mental health matters, and considering listening to short guided meditations during your breaks at work.
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We live in a world where there is so much societal pressures that can take a toll on our mental health. These pressures may include the need to drive an expensive car, live in an expensive home, wear name brand clothing or looking a certain kind of way. This need to live up to others expectations my cause us to look negatively upon ourselves because we don’t feel as if we can measure up. However, suriving these societal pressure involves learning how to fall back in love with yourself which begins with positive self talk.
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS –
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
The projected global population of 2022 is expected to exceed 8 billion. And of these 8 billion people approximately 1.6 million twins are born each year worldwide (with some of those being identical). And even though the standard DNA test of twins can be indistinguishable, identical twins do not have matching fingerprints. This then means, that every single person is unique. Other things that make us unique are our physical appearances, our personalities, our interests, our habits, and our creativity. No other person can be you nor can you be anyone else. Allow yourself to embrace the many wonderful things about you that simply make you the person that you are.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO MAKE MISTAKES
“Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.” ― Oprah Winfrey
Many people are living with tremendous guilt because of mistakes that they’ve made in their lives. They’ve chosen to allow other peoples’ responses to their mistakes stifle their growth and they live in a continuous pit of self-condemnation. However, in order to grow and evolve we have to recognize and accept that making mistake is a part of life.
In the words of Henry Ford, “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing”.
Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story, which debuted on Netflix in September of 2022, became one of the most popular watched Netflix original series, and it also ranked in the top 10 on the Nielsen Streaming Ratings for the highest viewership since Nielsen began tracking streaming activities. However, despite the show’s popularity, it became re-traumatizing for some of the victims’ families as they reflected over the violent and gruesome death of their loved ones.
The mini series also debuted on the heels of Domestic Violence Awareness Month which focuses on acknowledging domestic violence survivors and also bringing together advocates in an effort to end domestic violence.
Domestic Violence, Relationship Violence and Dating Violence all involve patterns of behavior in which someone uses physical violence, intimidation, isolation or other forms of abuse to harm you. However, according to behavior psychologists, acting on these negative behaviors can be either impulsive or evolutionary.
One psychologist who believes a person’s violent behavior is an evolutionary process is Louis Schlesinger. Schlesinger, is a professor of psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice and an expert on serial sexual murder. As it relates to serial murderer, Jeffrey Dahmer’s, violent behavior, Schlesinger said that, “When you do something like Dahmer did, you don’t just one day do it, it begins in the mind.” https://www.aetv.com/real-crime/jeffrey-dahmer-childhood-serial-killer-cannibal-bones
Like many people Jeffrey Dahmer’s childhood was not without its challenges. He and his family moved frequently, and his parents also had a tumultuous marriage which eventually ended in divorce. His mother also struggled with mental health issues. However, the childhood challenges that Dahmer faced doesn’t typically lead to a person becoming a serial murderer, according to p
sychologists. Additionally, in Dahmer’s own words, he killed his victims because he was,
According to several news stories, most of Dahmer’s victims were gay minorities who were impoverished and extremely vulnerable. Although anyone can be a victim of violence, there are still things that individuals can proactively do in an effort to avoid becoming a victim.
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TRUST YOUR INTUITION
Many years ago, when I was in grade school, I considered getting into a relationship with a classmate who was interested in me. For several weeks we were in frequent communication with each other which provided me with an opportunity to begin learning more about him. However, during the process of getting to know him, he began exhibiting an extreming controlling and violent behavior, like accusing me of being interested in other guys, and also becoming extremely loud and verbally demeaning whenever we spoke. Although I did not have much of a positive male figure in my life growing up, something about the tone of his voice in comparison to how other people who cared for me would speak to me, made me feel very uneasy which caused me to walk away from the relationship that we were exploring. Occasionally he has crossed my mind, like people from our past may periodically do, and till this day, I feel confident that my decision likely caused me to avoid being in a dangerous relationship.
Some of the ways that you can begin tuning more into your intuition is by mediating more, practicing mindfulness, and not ignoring the physiological changes that happen in your body when you feel unsafe.
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ABUSING SOMEONE IS A CHOICE
“Be Ye Transformed by the Renewing of Your Mind”, Romans 12:2
Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence” is an abusive pattern of behavior wherein an individual is vying for control and power in a relationship. Abusive acts include: physical abuse, sexual abuse, economic abuse, intimidation and isolation.
We will always have choices to make in life. These choices may involve choosing to accept or reject a person or situation, and also how we can more effectively respond to a person or situation. Effectively responding to situations involves consciously becoming more aware of our thoughts, what we say and or actions.
The month of October is known for many festivals, national holidays, important events, and important days which include: Halloween, Oktoberfest,Yom Kippur, Breast Cancer Awareness, Domestic Violence Awareness, and National Boss’s Day.
Boss Day or Boss’s Day is generally observed on or around October 16th in the United States and dates back to the 1950s. It is a day for employees to express their gratitude for all of the hard work that their managers do.
A Boss is defined as someone who is in charge of or manages a group or organization, whereas a leader is defined as someone who leads and inspires others to think creatively. However, there are some who oppose National Boss’s Day and think that it is nothing more than a meaningless Hallmark holiday. There are also others who work for bosses whom they feel deserve no recognition at all. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, being a boss is not without its challenges to include choosing to be the boss of your own destination.
CHALLENGES AND REWARDS OF LEADERSHIP
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Being a boss, manager or leader is not without its challenges. Some of these challenges include: (1) dealing with bureaucracy; (2) confronting performance issues; (3) terminating employees; and (4) effectively managing your time. However, there are also compelling benefits and rewards of choosing to be in a leadership position which include: (1) a higher salary; (2) career advancement opportunities; (3) personal growth and development; and (4) influencing others to change.
In a poem entitled, “Hallowed Ground”, the Scottish poet Thomas Campbell wrote,“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” Some of the most inspiring leaders of all times live on in the hearts and minds of many such as: Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and St. Teresa of Calcutta (Mother Teresa). Each of these individuals were transformational leaders whose lives were a reflection and testimony of love and hope that has extended beyond the grave because they all chose to follow their dreams of helping mankind.
BOSS UP AND BECOME THE CEO OF YOUR LIFE
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“Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs”….Farrah Gray
Following one’s dreams and becoming the CEO of your life takes time and courage. However, if you stay the course, you can have success in many areas of your life. Some of the ways that we can begin cultivating a BOSS/CEO mentality include: (1) knowing your self worth; (2) not sweating the small stuff; and (3) accepting that you are not perfect.
YOUR SELF WORTH
No individual will ever know your value and worth better than you because no one has lived your life but you. However, your self-worth often gets buried under the judgement, criticism and scrutiny of others, likely because those who are casting harsh judgement have never discovered their worth, and thus the vicious cycle continues.
THE SMALL STUFF
Many people’s lives have been negatively impacted because others have invested their time and energy focusing on the small stuff. I am reminded of a very sad but true story about a woman’s boyfriend who disciplined her child to death, simply because the child soiled his pants. https://www.tampabay.com/archive/2009/10/13/beaten-for-soiling-pants-toddler-dies/.
Children can indeed do things that can make us very frustrated, but we have to remember that we were all children once and did things that also frustrated our elders as well. Frustration is indeed a very common emotion, however, there are ways that we can become more effective at dealing with stressful situations which require doing a lot of internal work.
One of the best ways to help deal with stressful situations is by putting things into proper perspective. As it relates to children, we have to allow grace, love and flexibility to be our guiding light. We also have to consciously remind ourselves that kids are at a very tender age where they are learning and exploring and as such, they see the world much differently from adults. Additionally, if they do things that may disappoint us there could be other mental or emotional issues going on that they are unable to properly articulate to us.
Another way that we can better deal with stressful and frustrating situations is by practicing more mindfulness which simply involves becoming more aware of your thoughts, the words you choose and your actions. This requires doing the hard and sometimes very uncomfortable work of examining and thinking through situations before you respond.
IMPERFECT
Albert Einstein once said,“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new”
Whether you are in a leadership position where you are in charge of others or whether you are trying to manage your life in a different way, you will undoubtedly make mistakes, simply because you are human. However, the strength of leadership is learning how to forgive yourself and also consciously choosing to learn and grow from your mistakes.
